A commercial touting tonight’s episode features one of the main characters bragging that she “finally got a personal assistant.” When asked how she could afford to hire an assistant, her response is simple: “She’s a foster child,” the character says.

Unbelievable. Foster children have enough challenges in their lives already and then a supposed “family” network portrays them—not only in the episode itself, but in promotional spots for that episode—as nothing more than an commodity, something to be used for someone else’s benefit. It’s no wonder that one of the biggest problems foster families face is overcoming the low self-esteem issues of these wonderful children bring with them from years of abuse, neglect and ridicule.

By even hinting that a foster child is quick and easy solution to making your life easier, you have missed the mark. Irresponsible and selfish individuals do not need foster children; foster children need responsible and caring people to provide for them and to love them. They are to be served, not serve.

Furthermore, the commercial makes “getting” a foster child look to be an easy, spur-of-the-moment decision, like picking up milk from the grocery store. As a foster parent, let me assure you that it is anything but easy and simple. There is training, home visits, background checks and still more training.

For far too long, our society has seen children who enter the foster care system as disposable. I believe that instead, it is these long-held beliefs that belittle and scar these wonderful children that should be banished.

There are thousands of foster children who need role models, love and support. Perhaps instead of using these often voiceless victims as a prop for comedy, your network should be advocating for them, helping to fund organizations and charities that have the best interests of these children as their focus instead of using them for a character’s (and a network’s) selfish gain.

As I watch her remove her child from the backseat of the car and escort him into the child care center, it certainly looks to me that she has no disability, yet she parks in the designated space nonetheless.

You would think she’d know better. After all, by her clothing it is obvious that she works in a medical facility; every day she wears “scrubs,” the clothing designed for physicians and nurses. In fact, her top even sports the logo of the clinic where she works.

I wonder if her employer knows how she parks and, more importantly, the image it represents for her clinic. Here me out on this one.

At best, by parking her car in a spot that she apparently does not need and most likely is not entitled to use, she is sending several potential messages about her own values. Given that companies often strive to hire people who match their own corporate values, like it or not, it’s easy to overlay what I see as hers onto her employer.

Here are the thoughts that go through my head every morning about this staffer and her clinic (none of them good):

First, maybe she simply parks in the space because it is the closest to the door. Perhaps she’s running late (every day) and in a hurry to get to work. Or, in other words, she’s disorganized.

Second, maybe she is just lazy and wants to walk the lowest possible number of steps to take her child into the facility. Does that mean she’s also taking short cuts at work. That can be dangerous in any medical facility.

Third, she just doesn’t care about other people, except herself and her child. By making things easiest for the two of them, they make it more difficult for others, especially anyone who rightfully may need to park in one of those spaces. Additionally, what is she teaching her son? That the rules apply to other people, but not them? That no one else’s needs matter?

I automatically apply this selfish attitude to the clinic where she works, whether it’s right or wrong. (How can I be sure that they did all of the procedure correctly? Maybe they don’t care whether or not to get my bill correct.) It goes on and on.

Listen up, business owners and managers. Your employees – your people – carry your brand, your image and your reputation everywhere they go, whether or not they are on the clock. Don’t forget that if they are wearing your logo or driving with your company name on the side of their truck, they are giving people an impression everywhere they go – stopping for a beer after work, cutting off another driver in traffic, carrying 29 items through the express lane or parking in a space reserved for the less fortunate. What impression are your employees giving outside your store or office? It’s something to think about.

So, what else do you do with a column that is unfit to print? Put it on the blog, of course. Hopefully, I won’t offend (because I seem to be doing that quite often lately).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy (and don’t cringe too much) on a tour of the men’s room…

I want you to follow me for a moment, as awkward as it may be, into the men’s room. Realizing that many of you probably have never been in here before, I wanted to show you around; give you a tour of the place, if you will.

A quick count of “facilities” will give some interesting insight. There are three times as many urinals as stalls. That’s a good thing – unless the one and only stall is occupied when you need it. If that’s the case, men are faced with the classic “fight or flight” dilemma. Do you fight off the urge and wait it out or take flight, run-walking like an Olympic athlete trying to find another available location?

To the right are the urinals. (Can I write that in a family paper?) You will notice they are all in a nice row and while exactly alike, are not all treated equally. You see, it’s a natural law (or weird phenomenon of nature) that in any grouping of urinals, the outside units are the most popular, followed by the odd-numbered ones.

Here’s how it works: man A walks into the restroom and almost without exception, will choose to use one of the outside urinals. Man B undoubtedly will pick the station at the opposite end of the line. When Man C enters, he will choose a remaining available location – most likely the center urinal or any other free unit as long as empty space remains between his peers (that rhymes with fears, not fee-ers).

Why? No one knows. It’s just the way it is. And, if by some freak alignment of the planets, there are more men than there are odd-numbered receptacles, eventually a brave gentlemen will neighbor-up to another fellow. At this point, similarities to a group of hostages about to meet an untimely end at the hands of a firing squad are appropriate, as are references to thoroughbreds at the starting gate – all eager to break free.

My wife tells me conversation is common in women’s rooms. In here it is very rare, and when it does occur, another unwritten rule comes into play: while outside in the “real world” it’s considered rude to avoid eye contact when speaking to someone, in this sanitary environment, the opposite is true. Eyes go straight ahead. No exceptions.

Many take advantage of this fact and sprinkle (bad choice of words, I know) a “captive” audience with advertisements, posters and witty graffiti. Other restroom providers stream (oops, another bad choice) TV shows, post menus or even display a page of the newspaper (maybe even this page).

Continuing with the tour, to your left are the sinks. I’ve heard that they’re for the washing of hands, but observation has yet to confirm this theory. I think restroom designers understand that. I know of a restaurant men’s room with three toilets, four urinals, two sinks and just one hand-dryer. Obviously, some things are more important than others.

You will notice in our exploration of the facility a lack of soft furnishings, chairs, WiFi connections, carpet or any sort of decoration. I have heard that these features are present in some women’s rooms, although, again, I have not had visual confirmation of these reports. I do know, however, that men approach restrooms like shopping malls—get in, do business and get out. No lounging or loitering is allowed or acceptable.

That concludes our tour of the men’s room. We have to go so others may. If not, the next guy who has to go may be forced to use urinal number four.

Before I share all of the reaction, here’s the column as it ran:

Here’s A Tip

Memo to the older couple that sat next to us at lunch the other day: I hope you enjoyed your meal. I saw that you went with the buffet; good choice. All accompanied by a soda for the lady and hot tea for you, sir. By my calculation, your lunch out came to a total of $17.02 with tax.

I saw that your server checked on you several times and even brought you hot rolls to enjoy. That was very nice of her, don’t you think? She was very pleasant and very attentive, meeting all of your needs and requests.

She was rather young, but sporting a wedding ring with a tiny diamond. I bet she has at least one small child at home. That’s probably why she can be found bringing food to your table – so she can afford to put food on hers.

The pleasantries and polite conversations you shared were quite nice. I’m sure she thought of you as kind people.

That’s why I’m certain that she’s really appreciative of the large tip you left for her on your way out of the restaurant. Especially during these tough economic times, I’m certain that she’ll put the two quarters you left her to good use.

Yes, two quarters. Fifty lousy cents. While my math skills are not the best, I figure that you left this nice young lady a whopping 2.9 percent tip. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I’m sure you could say, “At least we left something.” Well, that’s true, but you also left her with plates to clear up, a table to wipe, sore feet and a feeling of unworthiness.

I asked a waitress friend of mine how she feels about receiving a minimal tip. She told me a small tip is much worse than no tip at all.

“At least with no tip, you can justify it like they simply forgot,” she told me. “A tiny tip just says ‘you stink.’ It’s insulting.”

She added that tips are how she not only pays rent for her apartment, but for her car and college, too.

I guess getting a little tip is like coming in second in a contest, and, as one of my high school teachers used to say, coming in second is like kissing your sister: there’s no thrill.

Never mind that at many restaurants, servers split their tips with kitchen staff as well as pay income tax on ten percent of sales. In the end, your waitress may end up owing both her co-workers and the taxman thanks to your “generosity.”

Sure, 50 cents used to be a big tip. But used to be we went outside to use the bathroom, rubbers were boots, thongs meant sandals and gas was 43 cents a gallon. Times have changed. If you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford the meal. Or at the very least, skip the drinks and have water. It’s free. Leave the money you saved next to your dirty dishes.

Please don’t for a minute think this is about age. It’s not. I’ve seen young people who are as tight as a bowling ball in a marble sack. This is about common courtesy. It’s about respect.

I left enough tip for both of us. Regardless, the fact of the matter is you cheated your waitress out of part of her income. You filled your belly while keeping her wallet empty.

It’s enough to make me lose my lunch.

Now the reactions…

Few of my works have generated as much response as this column. The very day it ran I had several people come up to me and tell me how much they agreed with what I shared. I even received a telephone call from a woman who told me despite the fact that she was retired and on a fixed income, she always tried to be a generous tipper.

I also received some emails through this website, there was this one:

“Thanks for standing up for the servers. As a college professor, I know how hard my students who wait tables work, and it bugs me when customers stiff them with a lousy tip. If you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford to eat out…”

and this one…

“I just read your article Here’s a Tip.  I am a waitress in a small community here in southern Il. and I totally agree with what you said.  There have been times when I wanted to shout these things from the roof tops.  We do not get paid min. wage. Our tips add to out hourly pay to hopefully make up the diff.  I have a husband who got sick last Aug and hasn’t worked in over a year.  Our main source of income is me.  I count on my tips.  They do pay the bills and buy groceries.  When you get people who don’t tip or tip cheaply it hurts.  I could go on about this for days, but I won’t. I will just say thank you for putting this in writting in a place where lots of people will see it.”

Then there was one which took a very different tone:

“Les, I’m writing in response to your quest for better tipping.

Of course being from So. IL you have the entitlement attitude that most here do.

It is not my responsibility to finance every wait person’s home and children. Anyone who joins a wait staff knows of their wages prior to being hired. If they can’t live off said wage, they need to seek employment elsewhere.

My husband and I are thought to tip according to services rendered. Should we also tip the cook, the owner of the establishment, the dishwasher, the delivery person to said business and the bum who hangs around outside as well?

Are you aware of the economy of So. IL?

Should we have tipped the waitress at Bob Evans who forgot table service (I don’t know about you but I prefer to eat with a knife and fork) didn’t refill our drinks, forgot our rolls after asking which we prefered and didn’t get the order right?

It is a shame you get paid for writing such nonsensical crap!”

There were 12 comments posted on the newspaper’s website. Among them:

“Your attention to detail is impressive. However, so is your tendency to make assumptions. Tell me, do you know the precise economic situation of the elderly couple you harshly condemned in your article? You didn’t mention what kind of clothes they were wearing or what type of car they drove off in after their “dine and dash” travesty so I will assume it was a Cadillac or something else just as pretentious and ire-inspiring. Your personal website mentions your church involvement so I will assume you are a Christian and choose to live by those values. Mentioning your own personal generocity by letting the couple know you picked up “their share” of the tip was, well…obnoxious. If their tab was $17.02 (as you estimated) then the obligatory tip at a very fair twenty percent would be $3.40. Wow! You dropped a whole $2.90 so that you could feel better about yourself and so that you would have some legitimate claim to publicly berate an elderly couple. I just don’t see the point. If you see something like this then why not assume there was a reason for it. Maybe you are in a better financial situation than the elderly couple, or maybe God was speaking to your heart to help out the waitress. Why denegrate the event with what could be unfair assumptions and with what was at best condecending rhetoric?“

“Does not matter what there economic situation…period! If they can afford to go out to eat at a buffet then it is not that bad! If their economic situation was bad then they could have eaten off the $1 menu at McDs or $5 footlongs at Subway. They were just cheap…plain and simple! The writer was right….if service was bad or no service at all you leave that kind of a tip….it’s a hint to the waiter/waitress that you sucked…thanks for nothing. My in-laws are bad tippers/cheap and when we all go out to eat I will add to their little tip to cover their “short” tipping of the wait staff. One time at Golden Corral I thought my wife left the tip while I was getting are baby and it’s things together (car seat, little toys etc.) on the drive back to Marion I asked her how much she left for a tip and she thought i left the tip……Next day I stopped there and gave the Manager an envelope with $5 in it with the waitress name on it with a little note explaining what had happened…she was amazed. It’s all a respect thing. I guess I just have a conscience!”

“Many people don’t seem to realize that servers do not make minimum wage automatically. My daughter is a server–her base pay is 4.28 an hour; tips are intended to make up the difference. She is a dean’s list college student who is working two jobs to pay for her own college and living expenses and we have eaten at the restaurant she works in and had the opportunity to see just how hard she works. She makes an average of 8 trips to a table of 4 in the course of a normal meal, refiilling drinks, bringing sauces, correcting errors made by the kitchen. Often when food service is slow, it is because the kitchen is slow, not the server, but it is the server who customers blame and yell at when they have to wait more than ten minutes for their food. When people leave a penny tip with a smiley face drawn on the table paper, or leave less than a 15% tip, she is hurt, not angry. She works her hardest to please people and help them have a pleasant dining experience, and some people recognize and reward that. Others seem not to understand or care that their refusal to leave a tip is not only a blow to her income, it is also hurtful to her. People need to take the tip into account when they decide to go out to eat, and either plan for it or stay home!”

“Alright everyone i read this article as well as all of the discussion, but im coming from a different perspective. I AM A SERVER! I work in a restaurant in the community while im attending college. I have rent i pay for, tuition, car/insurance payments, as well as i need to eat and shower. Now, who do you think pays for all of this? My parents, no…the government…no…I DO! I make 4.95 an hour which is significantly lower than minimum wage. I rely on my tips. Tips is what i use to pay for everything i need. Now, most people don’t realize that at my restaurant we have to “tip out” to other co workers including bar tenders, hosts as well as bus boys. Now when people are too cheap to leave a decent tip which is 20% it gets very frustrating! I understand that this is tight times, but that also means for us too! Were having trouble paying our bills just like everyone else, so when we dont get tip we deserve its taking money from us! And by us tipping out, if people stiff us or leave us such a bad tip sometimes we actually PAY TO WORK! we have to tip out on every table and if we don’t make the money to leave our 3 percent it comes out of our pockets!! If your server was very bad, we understand… I am going to leave you with this…how would you like it if we went to your place of buisness and simply didnt pay enough for your work??? it would be unacceptable…just like it is when you don’t tip correctly!!!!”

Going even one step further, one reader sent a letter to the editor, which appeared on Oct. 5:

“I was offended by the sarcastic tone and the “know it all” attitude of the author of the piece “Here’s a tip: Server tips are part of income” by Les O’Dell, in the Sept. 26 paper.

I always tip, usually at least 15 percent and sometimes 20 percent if I have been served particularly well. I understand that servers depend on this revenue and they work hard for it.

I am offended however by the author’s attitude and sarcasm. For all he knew, the elderly couple who he criticized so roundly may have been in circumstances that would make him ashamed if he only knew.

And it was not his business, anyway. His picture looks friendly. That is deceiving!”

From here on out, I think I’ll stick to (attempts at) being funny.

I must have been told dozens of times — if not hundreds — how much I look like my father. I also have been reminded of how I sound like him, have handwriting like his and even drive like him. I’ve decided that being like Dad is something to be proud of.

Many of the individuals I’ve spoken with have told me stories –which I had never heard before – of programs my father started to help others or of instances where he lent a hand to someone in need. Most of all, people shared with me examples of how my Dad loved his community; it was the town where he grew up, spent so many days and enjoyed the final years of his life.

It’s a small town and if it wasn’t for the exit on the interstate, few people would know of its existence. Yet, it was home to my father and he loved it and the people who live there. While during much of my childhood we were simply weekend  residents, it was still home to him. Of course, once he retired he returned home and began again to make a difference.

He started a program to help people buy nutritional food at a reduced cost. He worked with efforts to deliver meals to those who were home-bound. When a vacancy occurred on the city council, he humbly accepted an appointment to that seat. He worked with state and federal officials to develop a  new lake, providing a stable water supply for the town. He also worked to secure funding for a community library. As I have heard over and over again over the last few weeks, he simply made a difference.

I don’t think he looked at his efforts that way. He just did what he felt needed to be done. I believe that may be the beauty of it all. When we set out to “make a difference” our efforts and results can be shallow and self-serving, but when we begin to just meet a need, the end result can be changed lives and a changed community.

I’ve thought often about what I do in my own community. I’ve wondered if I’m doing enough and if it really matters. I don’t really know the answer, but I pray that it does make a difference for someone, just like Dad made a difference. I’ve decided to just do the things I feel need to be done — things that serve and make my city a better place to live. I am going to follow his example. Hopefully, it’ll be another way I can be a chip off the old block.

Okay, before watching it again, please join me in trying to figure out what the guy in the stocking cap was doing just before coming into the frame. He comes into the shot from down below and immediately begins fastening the strap on his overalls. It leads me to think he’s been down there doing a number two on the pristine white factory floor. I just don’t get it.

What does this tell us about Dell’s computers? Leads me to think they’re poo.

Let’s take it one step further. Why is he the only one not wearing a hardhat in the industrial setting? Why don’t any of the employees actually do anything? They’re just whistling and singing and watching and (apparently) going to the bathroom.

Sure it’s memorable, but effective? I think that’s a bunch of crap. I’m just sayin’.

Several articles for the Faith and Values section of the Southern Illinoisan:

• This weekend’s piece focused on the efforts several southern Illinois congregations to care for the less-fortunate. Everything from food pantries to furniture giveaways as well as outreach to homeless families were explored. Read the article here.
• The previous week explained the concept of church planting and looked at three different ways churches reach new people through “planting.” Read it.
• Of course, my regular humor column ran this weekend as well. This time I look at the magical phrase, I’m Just Sayin’.
• Blog posts about Financial Peace University continue at the awesome personal finance site, Good Financial Cents.
  

Enjoy!

With the advent of all of the new media (email marketing, Facebook, Twitter and the like), understanding the difference is so important. You cannot be successful if you treat pull channels as push channels. If you push too much, consumers will just push back.

Here’s an example. I was (and the emphasis is on the word “was”) a fan of a radio station on Facebook. That is until the station sent me five Facebook messages in the course of 24 hours promoting some contest they were running. Of course, each of those messages also arrived in my email box.

It’s not just the little companies that are guilty of abusing the privileges I granted them when I chose to opt-in to their marketing; even the big guys are guilty, too. Time for another example, but first let me make something perfectly clear. I am a huge fan of Franklin-Covey Day Planners. Have been for many years. I even refer to my classic planner as my brain.

So, given my love for this company and its products, I thought it would be natural to opt-in for them to send me emails of great deals and new product announcements and special sales. Well, I’m just about to opt out. See, Franklin-Covey sends an email a day. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. They don’t have to bombard me with emails to get me to like them. In fact, sending me too much stuff is having just the opposite effect.

Not only that, but like many other people with so-called “smart” phones, I have mine set up so that emails go to my phone. My phone alerts me when I get emails with a beep or, if I remember to silence it at night or during church, a vibration. That’s not a problem except that at 3 a.m. I can still hear the vibration shaking the nightstand or dresser where my phone resides. Almost without exception, the middle of the night emails are from Franklin-Covey. Ugh.

So, hear me, marketing geniuses: it’s okay to send me emails and promotional offers and messages occasionally, but lighten up. You’re coming across as a nerd begging the cheerleader for a date. Back off for a while. If you don’t, I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore.

Watch for my special Mother’s Day column tomorrow!

• The latest issue of Southern Illinois Magazine featured my cover story on tourist destinations in the region. The article, “Follow the Signs,” focused on the attractions along several of the area’s highways.
• Saluki Illustrated‘s most recent publication also hit newsstands this week. I was fortunate to have written the cover story for this one, too, a profile of Southern Illinois University Carbondale track and field coach (and former Olympian) Connie Price-Smith.
• Wow three covers in one week! Southern Business Journal for May features my article on the summer job outlook for everyone from high school students to those left unemployed by the recent economic downturn. A sidebar article featured job hunting tips.
• A piece in the May 1 issue of The Southern Illinoisan focused on the use of “secret worshipers” in area churches. These are efforts by congregations to learn how they interact to first-time visitors and guests through the use of consultants or paid visitors who attend and critique everything from the parking lot to the way they are treated by members of the congregation. Read it here.
  
• The Annual “Leaders Among Us” special issue of Southern Business Journal was released on Thursday. This publication profiles 15 individuals across the region selected for the contributions that they make to their communities. It was my privilege to write eight of the 15 profiles.
• In an ongoing series of posts for Certified Financial Planner Jeff Rose’s popular blog, Good Financial Cents, I’m writing posts based on what my wife and I are learning as we attend Financial Peace University. FPU is a 13-week program offered by syndicated radio host and author Dave Ramsey.
• And, of course, my humor column appeared in the Life section of The Southern Illinoisan newspaper. In the first of the series of “He Said, She Said” columns, I shared my experience in going shopping with my wife, sister-in-law and daughter. In today’s edition, my column partner Martha Peebles (She Said) outlines the cure for mens’ shopping sickness. (Click the columns tab to read my take on shopping.)

News Flash: Martha and I will be guests on Dee James’ radio show, “Just Say It”, Tuesday afternoon. Tune in to WINI 1420-AM at 1 p.m. to hear us

After all of that, I can’t wait to see what this week holds!